After finding them on two separate spots close to the van I had a walk to the Ocean. Sitting thinking, what will I do when I need to go back?
After a hour or so I decided to get out of there, seeing it was uphill for at least half the distance back up to the Great Ocean Road, I knew I would have a hard time with the faulty fual pump.
I had made an appointment to get it replaced two days later when I would arrive in Geelong.
The drive up to the Great Ocean Road was hell. The van struggled real hard. Once I reached it I was releaved, the road went downhill so it started getting better, then suddenly my worst nightmare happened. The engine was off which caused for the brakes to freeze and the steeringwheel to lock. This happened just when before a turn in the road. I saw the first car ahead and tried to wave, signal to get out of the way.
I felt one, than a second collision. Two cars got hit bad on the drivers side. I ended in the grass on a little uphill patch.
I was not wearing a seatbelt and many will say I was lucky to get out of it with just sore shoulders and shock.
When my van stopped I opened my door scared of what I would find. Thankfully everyone was ok.
It was only when the police arrived I noticed the damage on my van. The right wheel was completely gone, the door was out of its hinge, the front bender was bend and the window was cracked. The police officer took my statement of what happened and gave me a fine for $369 because the van was unroadworthy. A sticker was placed on my windscreen stating it was a defective vehicle and I needed to to get it roadworthy before being allowed to drive it again. I was in shock and overheard the officer talking on his CB and stating there were no injured people, I asked him what if someone had internal injuries, he told me I would be in a lot of BS if that would be the case. He was wearing black sunglasses, while it was very clouded, all this time and I sort of lost it. I told him it was very impolite to talk to someone when you cannot look them in the eyes. He took of his glasses... Before he left he came to talk to me, asked me if I was alright to wait on my own for the towtruck to return for me. He also told me to dial 000 if I felt unwell and he would come back. I apologised for my comment, but he understood.
I remember thinking when the accident was happening to please let it be the end of all. I had had enough.
My friends kept telling me I would come back from this trip a stronger person. Until this accident and just after it I believed something or someone was trying to push me over the edge. Make life impossible for me. People who know me know I am a pessimist and even a fatalist. Have been all my life.
But after the accident and being in shock for about two days I started realising something.
I should have died that day. For once I wasn't wearing my seatbelt, the shaking of the van when driving uphill made it very uncomfortable, and I drove right into upcoming traffic, I even just passed a truck carrying tree logs. And eventhough my brakes had been frozen, the police officer showed me that there were brake marks on the part where I just left the road and I know that if the van hadn't stopped I would have flipped over.
I could have easily killed four people that day.
So was something pushing me but watching over me at the same time, knowing I was planning on ending everything myself at the end of my trip? Pushing me to see that life isn't finished with/for me?
All I can say is I am grateful nobody got hurt. And yes it changed me. I will go back to Belgium and I will get off my bum and make this life meaningful.
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